Wasteland Kings

Many of us believe that pushing limits with our clothing choice represents a kind of freedom and we enjoy exercising that freedom in our choice of Halloween costume. This supposed freedom actually backfires on us and creates a type of prison. When we break free from the social standards of modesty, we end up in a prison of doubt.

The prison only exists in our heads, but that doesn’t make it any less real or significant. My physical constraints are nothing compared to the mental blocks that I deal with and this prison of doubt is basically a mental block. This mental block comes specifically from using our bodies to attract the opposite sex.

When we really leverage our bodies and make our attributes or flesh impossible to miss with our clothing, something very subtle and powerful happens in our minds. Each conversation with a person of romantic interest plants a small doubt in our minds. That little doubts whispers ‘they probably wouldn’t talk to you if you weren’t showing some skin.’

Now as a guy I don’t wear any clothes that society would call ‘provocative’ and yet I understand the idea of trying to draw attention to myself with clothes. I have some shirts that are a little too tight and I have some pretty flashy clothes that I’ve broken out on a few occasions. I learned about this doubt because I heard it in my head when I wore those clothes.

We all deal with doubts when it comes to romance and many of them tell us that the person were interested in, dating, or married to wouldn’t like us if we didn’t have a couple specific attributes. We think these attributes set us out from the crowd and make us valuable. Having something that gives us an edge on the competition sounds great until we believe that our edge is the only thing valuable about us.

That belief creates the prison of doubt because it makes us wonder if the other person wouldn’t like us without that edge. This is a difficult prison to get out of because no one likes to risk losing the attraction of someone else, even if that attraction might be only superficial. What starts as a casual choice in clothes can easily trap you in a prison that destroys your confidence.

When it comes to Halloween costumes, I know one of the thoughts that pops into our minds is that they will put our physical attributes on display. That seems like a great idea because it could give us an edge and help draw some attention or keep someone’s attention on us. The problem is that if you think you need magic bait to catch a fish, you’ll never think of yourself as a good fisherman.

The worst case scenario of wearing a provocative costume is that you meet someone new and you hit it off with them. If that happens, you will really struggle to banish the doubt that your clothing played a critical role in hitting it off. That single doubt will take the mind games that always come with dating and ratchet them up a notch.

I could go into further details about all the mind games and doubts, but I don’t think I have to really explain that. Most people who’ve been dating for longer than a month understand mind games and their power to undermine our confidence. If you want genuine confidence in yourself and not a false confidence in your cleavage, you’ve got to pass on the provocative clothing.

I know that every clothing or costume choice is not made solely to attract other people’s attention and that plenty of people in relationships wear provocative costumes. I also know that some people might become offended simply by the word provocative. I’m not trying to act like the overly strict school teacher bent on judging your clothing, I am asking you to check your heart when you pick out your costume.

If your desire to get a guys attention or please a guy plays any part in your choice, I would pass on that costume. No guy who needs to see cleavage or more leg to like you is worth five seconds of your time. Using those attributes to draw his attention just traps you into a prison of doubt.

As a final note, some people may have a problem with this blog and I want to clarify some things just in case. I’m not telling anyone what to wear, this is advice meant to help people avoid unnecessary emotional stress. I also don’t think I’m taking this too seriously or making a mountain out of a molehill.

Treating physical attraction and lust are VERY powerful forces and we should never treat them lightly, that only leads to doubt, confusion, and heartbreak. 

Image Copyright: Lancaster Litfest

Facebooktwitterrssby feather
Our Fear Betrays Us
The Boring Parts of Christianity

Matthew Rial