Wasteland Kings

The other day I realized my confidence has grown in the last few months. It hasn’t grown beyond imagining, but I feel a measurable difference in my daily confidence. I looked back over the last few months and concluded my experience at the writer’s conference helped make this happen.

The rejection of my book and the people I met built up and strengthened the confidence I feel on a daily basis.

I say the rejection helped because it shined light onto God’s love for me and my worth in Him. Sometimes, we don’t realize the power of something until we need it. I learned this lesson, not for the first time, when publishing professionals turned down my book.

At that point, I couldn’t find my value in my writing or progress of my career. I needed God’s and He delivered. He worked through a few sources to remind me of His unconditional love; a love that doesn’t change depending on my success or failure.

My sinful nature pulls me away from this incredible love though.

It draws me towards finding worth in things I can control and building my own kingdom. When I listen to my sin nature, getting value from God seems like the award for participation and my flesh prefers the podiums built upon my accomplishments. Those podiums are not stable though and they never give us the real confidence we desire.

Instead of giving me confidence, they rob me of confidence. Finding my value in unstable things like success or relationships makes me worry about what would happen if my sources of value didn’t survive the rollercoaster of life. Those worries lead to questions about what it would say about me if I lost my sources of value and then doubts about whether I have value at all.

Finding my value in God on the other hand dispels the painful doubts and questions. Letting God speak into my heart and tell me I’m valuable has led to a stable sense of value and a powerful confidence. The best example of this comes from the other writers I met at the conference.

God spoke through a few people and they gave me some powerful encouragements. They didn’t say my writing changed their lives or I was the best person to write on my topic. They expressed a belief in me and showed they cared about me as a person.

Their encouragements, belief, and care reminded me of God’s love for me and not my writing. He cares much more about me as a person than whatever words I put on the page. That knowledge takes a load off my shoulders and places my feet on a stable source of value.

In the past, I would wake up to a powerful worry staring me in the face; do I have what it takes today to write well. This worry weighed me down and made writing stressful. These days, the same worry comes knocking on my door, but it’s become much quieter.

I hope one day soon I will wake up and just wonder what the day has in store; that will be a very good day. The only way to get there is to find more and more of value in God. Doing that will lead to more confidence and less worry about the success of my writing.

Do you feel confident on a daily basis? Where are the places you find worth? Have you ever tried talking to God about your value and what He thinks about you?

Image Copyright: Chris & Karen Highland

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Sidelined by Injury
Headed to Africa

Matthew Rial

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