My name is Matthew Rial.I come from the legendary decade called the 80s. I bear some very important symbolic similarities to some of the great things we remember from that decade. Many of the people who grew up around that time, including myself, remember television shows like Transformers and GI Joe very fondly.Like those TV shows, I have a good reputation among most of my community. I’m known among my friends and family as a kind and generous person with a good heart. Also like the shows, this reputation does not accurately reflect the truth about me.Those TV shows don’t live up to our fond memories and I don’t live up to my good reputation.I don’t live a double life. I do have those qualities. They simply don’t tell the whole story.
The Rest of the Story
Everyone in my community knows that I love Jesus and that I love my church. Few of them know that I dealt with a porn addiction for 10 years of my life. Even though I’ve found COMPLETE FREEDOM from that addiction, I kept this fact hidden from almost everyone I knew until now.People also know that I lost my father to cancer in 2005 and I slowly lost my mother to Alzheimer’s in 2011. Few of them know that I struggled with depression for almost everyday of those six years and I continue to deal with some of the wounds that I received from those losses. For years, this combination of depression and pornography formed a dynamic duo from Hell, literally.It took a good deal of prodding and encouragement to open up about these problems. I didn’t want to talk about them because I was ashamed of them. I also knew that these problems pointed to the central problem in my life.I struggle with loneliness and bringing that fact to the light scared me more than talking about porn or depression.We all come into this world with a hole in our hearts because we miss the personal relationship with God that our hearts were made for. Every loss, rejection, or emotional wound we experience in life only makes the hole in our hearts larger. For me, the loss of my parents widened the hole in my heart substantially.The size of the hole made me feel that there was little hope of filling it. I thought it was best to ignore the gaping hole and turn to the pleasures of this world. I pursued success, drove fast cars, and played an incredible amount of video games.All the while, I felt the ache and pain of the hole in my heart. I assumed that my loneliness and depression were just apart of my cross to bear. Sometimes this ache was too much to bear.During those times, I turned to porn in order to distract myself from the pain and feel like I had some control over my life.The loss of my parents and the hole in my heart made me feel like a victim and a slave to my circumstances. At times, I would do anything to escape this feeling of powerlessness. Pornography gave me a false sense of control and I treasured it.I knew that what I was doing was wrong. I acknowledged that I was sinning against God. I just wanted anything to make the ache of loneliness feel a little lighter.
Hey, do you mind taking a second to give me a Like on Facebook or tweet about this article? Those likes and tweets play a REALLY important part in getting my story to other people.
God Caught Me
Of course my addiction to porn only made my life spin more out of control because a part of my heart was now under the control of my addiction. My addiction and my guilt caused me to experience dramatic swings in mood. My life spun faster and faster out of control until God reached in and took control.Love, you’ve captured me again. Oh God, you steal my heart. – The Digital AgeGod worked through some close friends of mine and after lengthy encouragement I found myself in a small group of Christian guys. This group started me down an incredible path of life change. These guys reflected the unconditional love of Christ into my life in a personal way that I didn’t know was possible.Simply put, they broke through the walls that loneliness, depression, and porn had built up around my heart.I slowly began to learn that my life didn’t have to revolve around trying to fix the loneliness or distracting myself from it. I discovered that I could make my life revolve around Jesus and his incredible love for me. As I opened up the broken parts of my heart to God, his love took root and life sprang up in places where darkness had reigned.After I lost my parents, I looked out over the world and saw a wasteland of false promises and pleasures that I knew could never heal the terrible wound that I felt. I thought I had to lower my expectations and try to make the best of a life with the weight of loneliness and depression. Thankfully, I couldn’t have been farther from the truth.When I experienced Christ’s unconditional love reflected through my community, I started to see the true power of God’s love. I saw that his love and forgiveness were bigger than my porn addiction and my depression. The chains of my slavery started to breakIt’s important to understand that these guys were not the first ones to reflect Christ’s love to me. I know many authentic Christians who I know love me. Their love never made it past the walls of my loneliness because I never truly opened up to them about my problems.
The Battle for Freedom
It’s really difficult to know that you’re unconditionally loved until you open up about the dark parts of your life to another believer. Until you lay it all on the table, you won’t be able to shake the doubt that people would reject you if they really knew you. That’s part of the reason that I write and speak so honestly about my struggles.I now know freedom from porn and I’ve gained more ground in my fight against loneliness than I thought was possible. One of the keys to my freedom comes from openly talking about my problems and what causes them. The more I bring them into the light, the less I feel their grip on me.Christ is available to everybody who turns to him and everyone who calls on his name can experience the freedom he offers. The only unique parts of my story are the details. We all carry wounds and we all search for temporary fixes to these problems.God cares about the wounds in our hearts. He desperately wants to heal them. We just have to open our hearts to him.With this blog, I hope to talk about how I’ve dealt with the wounds in my heart and experienced Christ’s incredible healing of those wounds. The healing from wounds and freedom from pornography that I’ve found in Christ are truly priceless. I hope a part of my story or something that I’ve learned from it can help others find the same freedom and healing.
Image Copyright Alex Indigo flickr.com/photos/alexindigo/1606826416



Patty
Apr 7, 2014
Praise God for your willingness to share and offer hope in Jesus. I also struggle with depression and addiction. I applaud your courage.
Matthew Rial
Nov 16, 2015
Thanks for the comment Patty. I really appreciate it.
Rob
Apr 8, 2014
I am very proud of you Matt. It takes a lot of courage and guts to put your heart out there and express the demons you have had to deal with. You are a great person, and I know G and I like to joke around with you. Always know that you are a great friend and person. If you ever and I mean ever need someone to talk to, please let me know. I will always be there for you because I know you will be there for me. I am very blessed that God help cross our paths and that we have become friends. God bless you my friend.
Jen
Jun 7, 2014
Matthew,
You are an inspiration.
Truth be told though, I stumbled upon your page accidentally, and on any other day I probably would have just clicked out and continued on with my original web search.
God filled me with the Holy Spirit and as I began to briefly read over the first few sentences out of curiosity, I became so captivated that I continued to read until there was nothing left!
Then I began to notice the tears streaming down my face….
I’m a Christian/Catholic fighting my own battle with evil too (literally, physically, emotionally, and mentally), so Thank You. For your bravery, faith, love, acceptance, and most of all the healing graces you’ve shared with me today and for the world to experience.
You have touched my heart and I admire your strength and obedience to live out God’s will for your life. I wanted you to know from this comment that you are touching people’s lives in more ways than you know. I’ve never in my life commented on any blog…(unless you count Facebook or Instagram) I’m from the 80s too! 🙂
God works in mysterious ways. Thank you Jesus for leading me to Matthew and filling my heart with faith, hope and determination.
Jen
Matthew Rial
Jun 13, 2014
Thanks for sharing a part of your story and that incredible encouragement Jen! I really appreciate both. We all need encouragement and every ounce of it helps.(Hebrews 10:24-25) I am so glad that God used me to help. If you’ve got any other questions or comments let me know at comments@wastelandkings.net
-Matt
Michele Breaun Zara
Aug 25, 2014
Matthew,
I was looking for something on loneliness and depression. I struggly everyday and everynight. I know a lot of mine is I am on SSI and I don’t have enough to live on. Sometimes I don’t get the food. Sometimes I don’t get the meds. This month I did’t get the dog food. They are eating my food.
My bigest problem is I have no friends in my town. My closest friend is in California. Sometimes my heart just brakes because I don’t have anyone to talk to My chest actually aches. I have tried in Church, places I go, I talk to lots of people but noone seem to want a friend. They have their kids, grand-kids, brothers and sisters, parents, and as many friends as they want. I know GOD should be our clostest friend but sometimes I need a hug, or someone to talk to. I can always talk to GOD, but sometimes I need an answer.
I have taken some notes from what you said, I am going to do more research. I just wish it wasn’t so hard and wore me out so bad when I am already warn out.
Matthew Rial
Nov 16, 2015
Hey Michele,
I apologize for just now coming across your comment. I hope this finds you well. If you’ve got any questions or want to discuss what’s going on in your struggle, feel free to reach out to me at my email comments@wastelandkings.net
Ben D
Aug 26, 2014
Wow that is a powerful testimony! I am impressed that you are willing to give such a personal testimony with your full name to the world. For now I will admit, using only my first name, that I was addicted to pornography for 15 years. It is probably the number one thing keeping men from following God wholeheartedly today. I pray that more men will be willing to bring this evil out of the darkness and into the light amongst the brethren so they can be delivered. Perhaps we could see men filling churches and attending prayer meetings the way God intended. As Paul says in Romans 8: “they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.” I can say from experience that you absolutely cannot serve God effectively when your mind is thinking about flesh. But praise God that in the Lord Christ Jesus we have a way out!
Matthew Rial
Nov 16, 2015
Thanks for the comment Ben. You’re the man.
LAVERNE SAUNDERS
Sep 18, 2014
HI I TO FEEL YOUR PAIN I LOST MY DAUGHTER ON HER BIRTHDAY FEB.20 2014 AND I HAVE FELT A EMPTY HOLE IN MY HEART SOME DAYS I CRY AND CRY BUT I KNOW GOD IS MY STRENGH I PUT MY TRUST IN GOD AS YOU DO HE WILL MAKE EVERYTHING ALLRIGHT WISHING ALL MY BLESSINF
Matthew Rial
Nov 16, 2015
Thank you for sharing this Laverne. I pray God continues to give you His supernatural strength and that it flows out to those around you.
Barb Raveling
Apr 1, 2015
Hi Matthew! It was so great getting to know you at the writers conference. I love your blog and can’t wait til your book is out – I look forward to promoting it!
Matthew Rial
Nov 16, 2015
Thanks Barb. Your encouragement is incredibly helpful in my writing.
Belinda
Sep 13, 2015
Help! My husband is addicted to porn. We went to counseling for about six months and for about a year I don’t think he looked at porn we put safe guards on t.v. And computers but just caught him again looking by way of Pinterest. So lost, stood by him and tried the extra mile approach 1st time struggling what to do this time?
Matthew Rial
Sep 15, 2015
Hey Belinda,
Thanks for reaching out and commenting. I am sorry to hear that your husband is struggling with porn. That’s not an easy place to be.
First of all, the blog’s email is comments@wastelandkings.net Feel free to reach me through that email.
Second, do you and your husband have a relationship with Jesus? I ask because I don’t want my next question to offend you. That is are you and your husband plugged into a local church?
Other Christians played a powerful role in my journey to freedom. I could not have made it to freedom without my small group and they still play a powerful role in my life. I had a conference call with a couple of them last night and lunch with my accountability partner today. Their encouragement, guidance, and just knowing they’re in my corner makes a big difference in my life.
If you feel comfortable answering either of those questions or if you just want to talk more, please email me at the blog’s email and I’d be happy to continue the conversation.
Cal Caylor
Aug 25, 2016
Hey Matthew – I was finally able to get into your blog and WOW – I am amazed and anxious to read more. Keep up the good work. This is some amazing stuff!
Matthew Rial
Aug 30, 2016
Thanks for your comment and encouragement Cal!!! I really appreciate what you said.